Saturday, November 21, 2009

The Anniyan-JaaniDushman Effect


Yesterday i was going through (for the upteenth time) the review for "Jaani Dushman Ek Anokhi Kahani" by greatbong..... totally hilarious......

then my thought went of its affect on our very own Teddy. So here goes ....


Teddy (my roomie) in his normal attire...... Before he watched "Jaani Dushman - Ek Anokhi Kahani"







the poor soul after he watched "Jaani Dushman - Ek Anokhi Kahani"



Have a nice weekend guys :)

Friday, November 13, 2009

Teddy visits the Royal Victoria Hospital

Teddy, my roomie, got up in the morning and found some thing amiss….. The bugger had eye irritation...

Still the dude braved the 8 hours of WORK….. At the close of the office he found a temporary solution for his problem... - play table tennis

But the marathon tt session (2.5 hours) didn’t improve the situation....... So he decided to face his fear head on - Visit the Hospital….

The Royal hospital was a little far and we got a taxi….Upon reaching the hospital we were awed….

Hard to believe it is a government hospital... it’s so clean and sophisticated.... more like a 5-Star hotel than a hospital….

A very cute receptionist, with a red top and a matching lipstick, welcomed us...

Teddy (in his Sauvé/Sexy voice): Hi, hmm... am having an eye irritation....you know....!!!!!!

Receptionist: Please give me your name and soon we will call you...

Teddy: hmm... so how much should I pay?

Receptionist: Nothing. Don't worry it’s a government hospital

Teddy (back to his normal voice): wow..... You mean it’s all FREE.... ok ... then I have a sour-throat, a slight head-ache, a sprain on the left leg, and an itching on my ....err that all...

Receptionist (unfazed): well, this is not the first time I saw Indians...

We were called to a separate room and asked to wait…. The doctor was in an emergency and was late…

But have to tell waiting in a Hospital is not that bad….the beautiful nurses were a good distraction....

There is something very attractive about Girls-in-Uniform....and the bugger was winking at every single one....(sorry miss....was not winking.... you see i have an eye problem....)

Finally after an hour and half the doctor came.... guess she didn’t forget us (either that or the fed up Nurses begged the doctor to come)

She checked him and gave him an eye ointment....to be taken 4 times a day until the irritation subdues…..

But still Teddy was troubled

Teddy: Dr, Dr, .....while having these medication... can I have JD,…,,err I mean alcohol..... (Please say yes...please please please)

Dr: (Shocked) Oh you Junkie... go get intoxicated.... it wont cause any problem (to your eyes at least....)

The happiness on Teddy's face was palpable....

So we decided to celebrate the situation (getting free treatment) by heading to Jharna....

Savoured the Tandoori Machli and Chettinad Chicken with a glass of Shiraz and Hennessey …..

Giving toast to the hardworking staff of Royal Victoria Hospital……….

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Angel in Disguise

Define a true engineer?

If you ask me; getting the degree alone doesn’t qualify you as one…

Nopes…for that you need to

  • Experience ragging from both the ends,
  • Bunk classes (after teacher took attendance),
  • Stay in cracker factory – The College Hostel,
  • Open the text book, only the day before exam,
  • Fall in love…. No, strike out the last one...... change it to have one-way-line (infatuations ;)
  • And on the top of everything; the one and only “SUPLEE” – or to fail a subject

Why Suplee??coz it gives you plethora of emotions….its like a trailer to life

The Agony

The long walk to the University Notice board…. Even though Sino have already informed about the catastrophe…..you still wanted to see it

The bud of Romance

Opportunists lent a caring shoulder for the fairer sex to cry…….

The Importance of Prioritising

What is important - studying for Suplee or practising for university gaming competition……

Jingan: "At least I can write Suplee next year"

Stress handling

Jpk: “Oh my God, I have to clear 4 exams in 5 days L

Out-of-the-Box thinking

Jpk: da there is no need to study for Graphics lab; I will hack the system and copy the answers through network”

Child: talle evan puli tanne"

D-Day management

Jpk: hmm… I will study 1 module, One Aneesh will teach me, take thundu* for another, the fourth I will copy from Konu.”

Child: da, what about the last module?????”

Jpk: ”hair, why the hell there are 5 modules… £$@€$”**

And finally the Joy…..

Clearing “Engineering Graphics” at the first attempt is normal; the second time a relief; but doing so at the third attempt – now that is beyond words (Konu will vouch for it)

The point is if you haven’t experienced any of these, how you can call your self an Engineer…………

So, considering the fact that senior members of Malakeel house have gone great length to make their elder son an Engineer; how can yours truly ignore it…. No way, predictably I got a Suplee***

(Quit smirking)

Finally the Exam day came (again) and I was off to clear it.

Sleep deprived, anticipating the doom, I went alone to the exam centre. Took the bus, got down at NGO Quarters buss-stop and started walking. Along the way, I casually glanced at Vimala Girls Hostel (ok….not casually; more like a reflex). There coming from the gates, the Protagonist, hence forth referred to as AngelD (Angel in Disguise)

AngelD (ever smiling): "Pathro, Good morning"

Me: "Don’t think it is thaaaat good….."

Now you might wonder if AngelD is a true engineer…. Sadly she is not. The poor girl cleared all her subjects the first attempt …. She was my junior and so I got to write it the same day with her….

AngelD: "Howz your preparations?"

Me: "If the question paper asks only from the first two modules; there is a 50% chance of me clearing it L"

AngelD: "oohhh!!!!"

Contrary to almost all the girls I know, she didn’t spend the last 2 hours going through the textbook; to revise one last time…. The unselfish and caring soul spend that time teaching yours truly; She made me go through the notes, asked me questions, corrected me.……have to say she did one good job, and some how I got through…


To Leena, my dearest Sis,

This post is dedicated to you……..Happy Birthday

I pray that you have a great day and rocking year …..


*thundu – a small note, that you hide (creatively) and bring it to light during the exam….

**None the less JPK, actually wrote 4 exams in 5 days and cleared everyone of them…..

***Since I loved the experience; did it again….and again… ;)


Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Morning Shayaris......

It was a cold-bitching-typical Belfast morning....... and as usual i was staring at the monitor......


Suddenly i heard someone whistling .....My roomie (Teddy) is in a real good mood.... He is leaning at the balcony, with a coffee cup in one hand and a cigarette in another .... looking at the sky....

Teddy: hehehehee

I was confused...now did he drink more than one bottle yesterday.... no, that is not the case.....then what is reason for this euphoria...


A drama was unfolding before me.... he changed his posture.... now he is looking down
Teddy (looking at his legs): muuhhhaaahhhaaa ...

Now i was seriously worried....why is he laughing at his legs....

Smiling like a baby with a candy, in slow motion, he turned and looked at me

Teddy:

"Door se dekha to $@@£@ dikhta tha.....

"Door se dekha.. to $@@£@ dikhtaa thaa...... "

then he came closer

"Paas jake dekha to... suchmuch $@@£@ hi thaa...... muhahahaaa.......... "

I gave up... remembering that time is the best medicine and hoping the hallucinations will go down.... i left him with his antics ..... *sigh*


*the dude is drunk with euphoria ..... he is leaving to India tomorrow for 3 weeks of vacation... $@@£@ ......

Add to that he is the best cook in our house (ok, ok, the only cook).... so from now on my diet is as follows

Break-Fast: Corn flakes

Lunch: Wheat flakes

Dinner: Choco flakes :(

Have a nice weekend guys.....

Thursday, September 24, 2009

The Stereotype Malayali

The hero is contemplating the situation. .. before him lies the most desolate place on earth.... no man have ever returned from there .... already faced numerous obstacles but our hero is ready to endure more to reach the goal......he takes the next step, and then another..... finally utilizing the last solace of his willpower he reaches the place.... a place where no man have ever walked... a place whose conquest will take him to the pinnacle of glory..... a place..... What the ......

There stands before him Kuttapan, with his lungi and beedi, smiling nonchalantly at him... and of course, running his tea-shop (Kuttapan's Chayakada)...

This is the running gag about Malayalis; and an incident made me realize this...

Summer 2008: we were taking an adventure trip to Lake District....we were 6, coming from as many as 3 different countries -England, Scotland and Northern Ireland; meeting at Edinburgh and driving all the way back to Lake District...... (No, flying from England to another country and then driving all the way back was not a miscalculation,......... the dudes love to drive and drive and then drive some more… :)

Now when dudes meet after a long time they will be conversing in malayalam...... and since being in a country where no one understands the language, the obscenity used was predictably high.... Add to the fact - Konu, the great personality, hailing from the Land of Poorams, was there... If Konu is present 90% of the conversation will go something like this

" beep beep Konu beep beep beep Konu's dad beep beep beep beep Konu's dads beep beep beep beep one of Konu's dads beep beep ........." *
You get the idea....


Lake district, more famous for its rustic villages, also provides options for adventure sports...like Water Skiing, Kayaking, water bikes......we had chosen Water skiing :O.


Prelude to reaching the boats we were drunk with the delusion of handling anything and everything....but at the brink of actually doing it, the apprehensiveness in the air shot up by 150%.......
Konu decided to improve the situation... He called out loudly (from the bank) to Sino (in the boat some 100 feet away...)


Konu (loudly): Siiinnnnaaaaaaaa.....
Sino: enthu vada.... (What?)
Konu: ninaaakkkuuuu veetil ninnu phone... (You got a call from home)
Sino:
what is it?
Konu (at the top of his voice): Ninte Accchhhhaaaannnn Peeettttuuuuuu..... (Your father got pregnant and just delivered a baby)


A small innocuous joke.....
As luck would have it another family (dad, mom, bro and sis) were coming behind us
Out of 365 days, they choose that day to visit Lake district
Out of 200 countries in the world, they had to be from India
Out of 28 states and seven union territories in India, they had to be from Kerala ...
Yes they were malayalis ....

In the changing room, the brother confronted us ....
Bro:
Malayali analle ... (u guys are Malayalis right?)
Us: (Dumbstruck - realizing the stupidity for the first time)
yes... {idiotic, epiphany smiles}
Bro:
ok...
(To be translated as "@$$%()£3$. We are malayalis as well and have come for a family holiday. Don’t try to pull a stunt like that.... show a little respect...£%£$% "$^"$%"£$% !£$%!$!"£$ $%%^"$%^"

There is a reason behind the Malayali image after all....


*censored.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Daddy Cool.......

This happened when I had eaten around 12 ona sadyas*

It was a special time. Papa got his first car. Our first car... man, weren’t we (brothers) proud. It was as if we owned the whole Kochi kadapuram (beach)... the sibling rivalry at that time was to sit in the front seat of the car...the rivalry would normally end with both of us thrown into the back seat...

And the car... it was a 1979-model Ambassador.... it was in Majestic white and taller than the tallest Santroz of today...For those motor unenthusiastic "Ambassador" is the India's (80's) answer to Porsche Coupe...

To prove my point, notice the Porsche 356 Coupe (1960) and Ambassador side by side






There are lot of fond memories in that car,

from learning to steer (by sitting beside papa and handling the steering),

from the time when papa drove the car so fast that the "Learners" board (tied to the bonnet) flew away

(never seen mama praying "Swarga Shakthanaya Pitavee" with such zeal)**,

and the car's unbelievable accuracy in breaking down if stopped at Kottayam (I swear whenever the car was stopped at Kottayam, it will not start again........we were convinced that it was beyond coincidence and always drove through Kottayam without stopping - however hungry or however strong the Nature's call was)

Well coming back to the story, it was a Sunday morning and we were going to Church for mass(Yes, hypocrites, I do go to Sunday Mass...). Kurian uncle and Geetha aunty, our neighbours, were with us. Kurian uncle and papa were in the front. Mama predictably, was singing "Anpudayoone Nin vaatil" (Devotional song)... to be read as the mood was very devotional.

Suddenly, While we were near Kaloor bus stand, one drunk dude in a cycle materialized in front of the car (Only in God's own country you will find people enjoying a bottle or two in a Sunday morning). It was papa's good reflex that averted an imminent crash. But no, this is not the reason why I named the blog "Daddy Cool" but what happened later.

Papa got out of the car, and to the amazement of everyone, started verbally thrashing the poor drunk..... in about 5 seconds half a dozen new words were added to my vocabulary. My bro's eyes showed astonishment and we both were grinning ear to ear. Kurian uncle was unembarrassed .... but Mama and Geetha aunty started sitting lower and lower..... To us brothers, papa was dashing than Suresh Gopi (popular movie star)........

In the end, finding it’s of no use, papa started the engine, mama and Geetha aunty got to sit normally, we brothers started discussing the new words (and guessing their meanings). And the poor dude, who felt that his whole morning drinking has been wasted, went back to the shaap (local Bar).


*Means I was 12 years old ;)

**Getting the car was in many ways mama's nightmare, coz to the men from Malakeel house going below 60km/hr is unfathomable.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Nepoleon seized at London Heathrow Airport

How can i introduce our prota-shit (err.. Protagonist) - Mr.Squealer
Charming, Ambitious, wanna-be Casanova.....Or in other words non-stop blabbering, butt-head and will always remain a wanna-be....

It all started at our culturally educational tour to Paris. (Cultural tour my @££, all we wanted was to take a snap in front of Eiffel tower and show it off in Orkut). Well, Mr.Squealer being the most show-off, never misses an opportunity to purchase the best trash...and guess what will be the most striking, at a Nepoleon Souvenir Shop - the exact replica of the Emperor's Pistol.










It was impressive... with its wooden handle and metal barrel it was nothing short of "le Magnifique" And our hero happily paid good cash for it...

Predictable ostentatious show-offs followed.. posing with the gun pointed at himself, at a statue, towards heaven, even at our lady guide..... some guys never grow up I guess…
Sadly every rise will have a fall... After four days of cultural learning the trip was coming to its culmination and we were back at London Airport to catch the flight back home...


While waiting to clear the Cabin luggage security clearance .... Suddenly face of the operator monitoring the luggage lit up. You guessed it - he noticed the look-alike gun (along with a jumble of dirty clothes and other trash). The operator got really animated…(the poor man was trying to be calm and was talking in his walkie-talkie... real hush) you cant blame the operator; I mean, post 911, who with the right mind will bring a (look-alike) gun to an airport…

Enter two of the biggest and meanest looking Security officers with all the armour and helmet. They politely asked Mr.Squealer to step aside…Hero, the smart dude, comprehended the situation and being the charmer himself, started explaining… to show that it is a fake gun, he proceeded to open the luggage….

“Sir, Please move away from the bag”
“Sir, Please don’t touch it”
Half the airport would have heard it….
the right hand of the security officers where ready with the gun (original, not look-alike)…..the security staff standing near him was frozen (eyes were about to jump out of her face)......all the passengers where alarmed and were ready to throw everything and run for their lives...and our hero was shaking like a leaf…. it was like in a live action Angrez movie …..

The rest is speculation – we saw him being marched off into a room and we heard that he would be thoroughly searched …. I mean thoroughly…. This is the plight of the airport security officers, yeah they get to have cool gadgets, but they also have to endure such atrocities..… after having to look at Mr.Squealer (in his birthday suit) the poor souls will have nightmares for rest of their lives ….

In the end they concluded that, bare the stupidity, our hero is harmless … Thank the stars that he decided to shave of his beard before the trip…. And after seizing the gun, let Mr.Squealer on his way… The moment he was out of that room, our hero was back with his normal charm…. blabbering, making fun, acting the Casanova….. It was as if nothing had happened at all …. This is what people like about him, give him hell, still our hero will still come out smiling …. Bravo mate


Below is a snap of the actual replica of the Emperor’s Pistol – I would also like to say that the person holding it is not, repeat not, our hero……












And no, this is not a picture of the hero pointing the gun at our lady guide....








Sunday, August 16, 2009

Evil Genius and Age of Empire.

Starring:

The Under-dogs

  • Achayan the Strategist
  • Aneesh Raj the Novice

and

  • JPK the Amateur
  • Nizar ikka the Master

With

  • the rest of us as behind the scene supporters

Prelude

Boys in MEC Men’s hostel can be categorized into two – rich and poor… no I am not pertaining to the monetary division; but the socially affluent with girl friend(s) and mobile(s)

and the socially deprived rest of us (now don’t start looking down at us; we were after all the majority and without requiring to listen (to the mobile) deep into the night; we were left with the freedom to pursue the hedonistic ways of life…..

Coming back to the story, the socially deprived normally spend the time proving their dominance with the computer…no not writing programs…. But playing games…(after all we have some responsibility to the hand earned money of our parents)

Those were the days….games in between meals, lectures and even exams (Jingan the true gamer even missed a semester exam to play warcraft; the exam was to clear a suppli..no big deal) And the Men’s hostel with all the computers connected through LAN was a gamers heaven.

Games changed like the flavour of the month… new and new heroes were born to face the latest challenges… and once the flavour was Age of Empires…. An amazing game where you can create your own virtual army and send them to battle… with the average game taking more than 2 hours; everything is amplified in AOE, the tension, the wait, the battles, the challenges and of course the victory.. and is one of the few games which gives as much pleasure watching as playing itself…

And one such game

It was a normal day and two beginners wanted to start playing the new sensation. Aneesh and Achayan came to the versatile JPK and he explained them the basics before including them in a game with Nizar ikka.

Now ikka is a master of the game and JPK is close to becoming one; so we were expecting a huge war between the giants where the underdogs gets thrashed in between. Of course that was not going to happen (else I wont be writing this J)

Game started, not surprisingly, Aneesh Raj got acclimatized pretty quickly and JPK was trying to take on ikka on his own. But Ikka was easily handling both JPK and a strong Aneesh.

All this time Achayan was struggling. Battles were happening all around; the big 3 developed to Imperial (highest) Age and Achayan was...........looking for sheep….

The Conspiracy: Ikka was proving to be a real master and before entering a stale-mate situation, Aneesh proposed an idea to JPKda lets join forces and then attack ikka. Together we should be able to finish him off” Since they were playing from adjacent rooms they could talk freely without the fear of ikka hearing (ikka was playing from a far end room) JPK agreed and they changed their diplomacy to allies and started attacking ikka.

Ikka was facing tough time but was still able to manage their combined attack.

Suddenly JPK saw something flashing on the right hand side of the monitor. Aneesh have started building a wonder (in AOE a successful defending the wonder could get you victorious) JPK was tensed “Aneeshe why are you building a wonder”.

Aneeshdon’t worry da. It is to confuse ikka. He will now have to attack and destroy the wonder.. during that time we will finish him off… you don’t need to worry since we are allies we will both win… and if you don’t want to win like this you can just walk to my computer and delete the wonder

JPK agreed

In-between Achayan was improving….. he made his villagers to be faster and was able to improve upon his quest to look for sheep more quickly…

Ikka retaliated.. he started attacking the wonder with all his might… but the poor guy didn’t understand why JPK was attacking him and not Aneesh… a fierce battle ensured but the conspirators were easily able to defend the wonder.

The Double-crossing Evil Genius: About 5 minutes before the wonder victory Aneesh changed his diplomacy with JPK to be enemies and calmly instructed me “pathro.. can you please close the door. On second thought close the windows as well, don’t want to get hit by any revengeful projectiles

Aftermath

Ikka grew up and moved to more serious things in life

Achayan came back strong and became a master himself (the first dude from our hostel to search google and traverse through AOE Game forums to improve his game)

JPK started liking other games like Counter strike and Commandos…he is still a true gamer (he calls out “Alpha calling beta, over, over” in his sleep and even in between valu-vaykkals)

And Aneesh Raj, the evil Genius, continued his path of domination (the dude played till 2, the night before his GATE exam and still got a rank within 200)

Days were fun......

Days were fun, work a pleasure and time was rushing by… truth be told; around all the joy, loneliness was a constant companion……
Not to mention the pressure from parents to get a nice girl before it gets difficult (to be read as before I loose more hair ;)
All cumulated and I was ready for the next step of life….

Little did I know I never comprehended the depth of the situation… for the next step is actually the biggest and most important one in life (at-least for the mortal God-fearing middle class Indian)

I was feeling the disadvantages of being a chronic reader… which is a widely developed imagination….yes u heard it right…. Unlike a normal nonchalant dude who gets excited at all the good prospective coming his way…. I was strangely at lost in thought… what do I know about companionship, about responsibilities…about Love … (to be decrypted as I am one of that unfortunate souls who never had a (2-way) line….this is an altogether different story that I promise to share later)

No, this was not a case of lacking confidence (my androgenic ego wont admit that..) rather the nagging thought that this wont be myself alone who would be affected if I screw up… but 2 (not to mention the other close souls who care for us…)

Believe me it is not just the girls who think about these things ( either this or I think like a girl….. nooooo way.) how can u decide your life partner after meeting her for like 60 mins….how can you even begin to decipher the outlines of another human life (though it is hardly my fault that a highly intelligent independent mid-twenties girl is a potpourri of emotions and complexities …. I blame the dude above; he should have made girls as simple as us…..period)

Not to mention the advices that comes your way…. From the experienced (new to be granddads) to couples celebrating their wooden, from those who defied parents, religion and cast to those who went the arranged way (guess they didn’t have the guts – ok I was rude; they respected the sacred Bharathiya culture….whatever), from highly realistic girls to hedonistic dudes…………………. You can sure to expect wide variety of equally contradicting philosophies ……

Some gives you hope (
“its great to share your life with another; to give all of your joy”)
others despair (
“dude u have to be lucky… I mean really really lucky….coz if u are always fighting– even Aishwarya Rai will start to look like Bhadra kali.”)
some a sense of reassurance (
“any girl is really lucky to get a guy like u” – guess he owes me some money)
others work the opposite way (
da do u have enough maturity for all this”)
some that u didn’t like (no I am not putting it here….some friends* do have a foul mouth)
and so on so on....


To be continued.....
to all those who are expecting more... please wait until (and if) the author survives the next step...


*Abhi/Konu/Vijay...no i didn't mean you guys
Am declaring that wherever i refer to hedonistic, uncouth, foul.... i am not, repeat not, referring to you.... :)