Thursday, January 7, 2010

Marakalle ........ Jan 31st

(Note: Contains Malayalam scripts)

FlashBack - 20 years ago
Location - Kochi
Scene - Malakeel house Bar Durbar

Ammavan (looking at me): evan engineyaa; padikumoo? (Uncle: does he study?)
Pitha-Shree (sarcastically): uvve uvve.... vaaaalya rank allee......avan oru pennayirunenkil kettichenkilum vidamayirunnu... (Dad: no way; if he had been a girl, atleast i could have married him off)

FlashBack - 1 year ago
Location - Kochi
Scene - Malakeel house Bar Durbar

Ammavan: enthayi avanu pennu anveshikal; vallathum seri ayoo? (Uncle: any progress with his Bride searching?)
Pitha-Shree: uvve uvve....penpiller okke line adichu pookukayalle.... avan oru pennayirunekil engineyenkilum kettichu vidamayirunnu.... (Dad: no way.... all girls are finding their own grooms.... if he had been a girl; atleast i could have married him off)

Finally, after more than 24 months of bride searching and seriously contemplating sex-change operation, i am going to get hitched

My would-be better-half is Miss.Dhanya Roji; working for TCS Bangalore.
Hailing from Vyttila, she did her engineering from Fisat Angamali...

Please solicit your prayers and esteemed presence
@ St.Mary's Cathedral, Boat Jetty (St.Teresa's Convent inte tottu aduthu...)
on Jan 31st 11AM
and thereafter for reception and lunch @ Rajiv Gandhi Indoor stadium, Kadavanthara.

So catch you there
with warm regards
Peter and Dhanya

Saturday, November 21, 2009

The Anniyan-JaaniDushman Effect

Yesterday i was going through (for the upteenth time) the review for "Jaani Dushman Ek Anokhi Kahani" by greatbong..... totally hilarious......

then my thought went of its affect on our very own Teddy. So here goes ....

Teddy (my roomie) in his normal attire...... Before he watched "Jaani Dushman - Ek Anokhi Kahani"

the poor soul after he watched "Jaani Dushman - Ek Anokhi Kahani"

Have a nice weekend guys :)

Friday, November 13, 2009

Teddy visits the Royal Victoria Hospital

Teddy, my roomie, got up in the morning and found some thing amiss….. The bugger had eye irritation...

Still the dude braved the 8 hours of WORK….. At the close of the office he found a temporary solution for his problem... - play table tennis

But the marathon tt session (2.5 hours) didn’t improve the situation....... So he decided to face his fear head on - Visit the Hospital….

The Royal hospital was a little far and we got a taxi….Upon reaching the hospital we were awed….

Hard to believe it is a government hospital... it’s so clean and sophisticated.... more like a 5-Star hotel than a hospital….

A very cute receptionist, with a red top and a matching lipstick, welcomed us...

Teddy (in his Sauvé/Sexy voice): Hi, hmm... am having an eye know....!!!!!!

Receptionist: Please give me your name and soon we will call you...

Teddy: hmm... so how much should I pay?

Receptionist: Nothing. Don't worry it’s a government hospital

Teddy (back to his normal voice): wow..... You mean it’s all FREE.... ok ... then I have a sour-throat, a slight head-ache, a sprain on the left leg, and an itching on my ....err that all...

Receptionist (unfazed): well, this is not the first time I saw Indians...

We were called to a separate room and asked to wait…. The doctor was in an emergency and was late…

But have to tell waiting in a Hospital is not that bad….the beautiful nurses were a good distraction....

There is something very attractive about Girls-in-Uniform....and the bugger was winking at every single one....(sorry miss....was not winking.... you see i have an eye problem....)

Finally after an hour and half the doctor came.... guess she didn’t forget us (either that or the fed up Nurses begged the doctor to come)

She checked him and gave him an eye be taken 4 times a day until the irritation subdues…..

But still Teddy was troubled

Teddy: Dr, Dr, .....while having these medication... can I have JD,…,,err I mean alcohol..... (Please say yes...please please please)

Dr: (Shocked) Oh you Junkie... go get intoxicated.... it wont cause any problem (to your eyes at least....)

The happiness on Teddy's face was palpable....

So we decided to celebrate the situation (getting free treatment) by heading to Jharna....

Savoured the Tandoori Machli and Chettinad Chicken with a glass of Shiraz and Hennessey …..

Giving toast to the hardworking staff of Royal Victoria Hospital……….

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Angel in Disguise

Define a true engineer?

If you ask me; getting the degree alone doesn’t qualify you as one…

Nopes…for that you need to

  • Experience ragging from both the ends,
  • Bunk classes (after teacher took attendance),
  • Stay in cracker factory – The College Hostel,
  • Open the text book, only the day before exam,
  • Fall in love…. No, strike out the last one...... change it to have one-way-line (infatuations ;)
  • And on the top of everything; the one and only “SUPLEE” – or to fail a subject

Why Suplee??coz it gives you plethora of emotions….its like a trailer to life

The Agony

The long walk to the University Notice board…. Even though Sino have already informed about the catastrophe… still wanted to see it

The bud of Romance

Opportunists lent a caring shoulder for the fairer sex to cry…….

The Importance of Prioritising

What is important - studying for Suplee or practising for university gaming competition……

Jingan: "At least I can write Suplee next year"

Stress handling

Jpk: “Oh my God, I have to clear 4 exams in 5 days L

Out-of-the-Box thinking

Jpk: da there is no need to study for Graphics lab; I will hack the system and copy the answers through network”

Child: talle evan puli tanne"

D-Day management

Jpk: hmm… I will study 1 module, One Aneesh will teach me, take thundu* for another, the fourth I will copy from Konu.”

Child: da, what about the last module?????”

Jpk: ”hair, why the hell there are 5 modules… £$@€$”**

And finally the Joy…..

Clearing “Engineering Graphics” at the first attempt is normal; the second time a relief; but doing so at the third attempt – now that is beyond words (Konu will vouch for it)

The point is if you haven’t experienced any of these, how you can call your self an Engineer…………

So, considering the fact that senior members of Malakeel house have gone great length to make their elder son an Engineer; how can yours truly ignore it…. No way, predictably I got a Suplee***

(Quit smirking)

Finally the Exam day came (again) and I was off to clear it.

Sleep deprived, anticipating the doom, I went alone to the exam centre. Took the bus, got down at NGO Quarters buss-stop and started walking. Along the way, I casually glanced at Vimala Girls Hostel (ok….not casually; more like a reflex). There coming from the gates, the Protagonist, hence forth referred to as AngelD (Angel in Disguise)

AngelD (ever smiling): "Pathro, Good morning"

Me: "Don’t think it is thaaaat good….."

Now you might wonder if AngelD is a true engineer…. Sadly she is not. The poor girl cleared all her subjects the first attempt …. She was my junior and so I got to write it the same day with her….

AngelD: "Howz your preparations?"

Me: "If the question paper asks only from the first two modules; there is a 50% chance of me clearing it L"

AngelD: "oohhh!!!!"

Contrary to almost all the girls I know, she didn’t spend the last 2 hours going through the textbook; to revise one last time…. The unselfish and caring soul spend that time teaching yours truly; She made me go through the notes, asked me questions, corrected me.……have to say she did one good job, and some how I got through…

To Leena, my dearest Sis,

This post is dedicated to you……..Happy Birthday

I pray that you have a great day and rocking year …..

*thundu – a small note, that you hide (creatively) and bring it to light during the exam….

**None the less JPK, actually wrote 4 exams in 5 days and cleared everyone of them…..

***Since I loved the experience; did it again….and again… ;)

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Morning Shayaris......

It was a cold-bitching-typical Belfast morning....... and as usual i was staring at the monitor......

Suddenly i heard someone whistling .....My roomie (Teddy) is in a real good mood.... He is leaning at the balcony, with a coffee cup in one hand and a cigarette in another .... looking at the sky....

Teddy: hehehehee

I was did he drink more than one bottle yesterday.... no, that is not the case.....then what is reason for this euphoria...

A drama was unfolding before me.... he changed his posture.... now he is looking down
Teddy (looking at his legs): muuhhhaaahhhaaa ...

Now i was seriously worried....why is he laughing at his legs....

Smiling like a baby with a candy, in slow motion, he turned and looked at me


"Door se dekha to $@@£@ dikhta tha.....

"Door se dekha.. to $@@£@ dikhtaa thaa...... "

then he came closer

"Paas jake dekha to... suchmuch $@@£@ hi thaa...... muhahahaaa.......... "

I gave up... remembering that time is the best medicine and hoping the hallucinations will go down.... i left him with his antics ..... *sigh*

*the dude is drunk with euphoria ..... he is leaving to India tomorrow for 3 weeks of vacation... $@@£@ ......

Add to that he is the best cook in our house (ok, ok, the only cook).... so from now on my diet is as follows

Break-Fast: Corn flakes

Lunch: Wheat flakes

Dinner: Choco flakes :(

Have a nice weekend guys.....

Thursday, September 24, 2009

The Stereotype Malayali

The hero is contemplating the situation. .. before him lies the most desolate place on earth.... no man have ever returned from there .... already faced numerous obstacles but our hero is ready to endure more to reach the goal......he takes the next step, and then another..... finally utilizing the last solace of his willpower he reaches the place.... a place where no man have ever walked... a place whose conquest will take him to the pinnacle of glory..... a place..... What the ......

There stands before him Kuttapan, with his lungi and beedi, smiling nonchalantly at him... and of course, running his tea-shop (Kuttapan's Chayakada)...

This is the running gag about Malayalis; and an incident made me realize this...

Summer 2008: we were taking an adventure trip to Lake District....we were 6, coming from as many as 3 different countries -England, Scotland and Northern Ireland; meeting at Edinburgh and driving all the way back to Lake District...... (No, flying from England to another country and then driving all the way back was not a miscalculation,......... the dudes love to drive and drive and then drive some more… :)

Now when dudes meet after a long time they will be conversing in malayalam...... and since being in a country where no one understands the language, the obscenity used was predictably high.... Add to the fact - Konu, the great personality, hailing from the Land of Poorams, was there... If Konu is present 90% of the conversation will go something like this

" beep beep Konu beep beep beep Konu's dad beep beep beep beep Konu's dads beep beep beep beep one of Konu's dads beep beep ........." *
You get the idea....

Lake district, more famous for its rustic villages, also provides options for adventure Water Skiing, Kayaking, water bikes......we had chosen Water skiing :O.

Prelude to reaching the boats we were drunk with the delusion of handling anything and everything....but at the brink of actually doing it, the apprehensiveness in the air shot up by 150%.......
Konu decided to improve the situation... He called out loudly (from the bank) to Sino (in the boat some 100 feet away...)

Konu (loudly): Siiinnnnaaaaaaaa.....
Sino: enthu vada.... (What?)
Konu: ninaaakkkuuuu veetil ninnu phone... (You got a call from home)
what is it?
Konu (at the top of his voice): Ninte Accchhhhaaaannnn Peeettttuuuuuu..... (Your father got pregnant and just delivered a baby)

A small innocuous joke.....
As luck would have it another family (dad, mom, bro and sis) were coming behind us
Out of 365 days, they choose that day to visit Lake district
Out of 200 countries in the world, they had to be from India
Out of 28 states and seven union territories in India, they had to be from Kerala ...
Yes they were malayalis ....

In the changing room, the brother confronted us ....
Malayali analle ... (u guys are Malayalis right?)
Us: (Dumbstruck - realizing the stupidity for the first time)
yes... {idiotic, epiphany smiles}
(To be translated as "@$$%()£3$. We are malayalis as well and have come for a family holiday. Don’t try to pull a stunt like that.... show a little respect...£%£$% "$^"$%"£$% !£$%!$!"£$ $%%^"$%^"

There is a reason behind the Malayali image after all....


Monday, September 21, 2009

Daddy Cool.......

This happened when I had eaten around 12 ona sadyas*

It was a special time. Papa got his first car. Our first car... man, weren’t we (brothers) proud. It was as if we owned the whole Kochi kadapuram (beach)... the sibling rivalry at that time was to sit in the front seat of the car...the rivalry would normally end with both of us thrown into the back seat...

And the car... it was a 1979-model Ambassador.... it was in Majestic white and taller than the tallest Santroz of today...For those motor unenthusiastic "Ambassador" is the India's (80's) answer to Porsche Coupe...

To prove my point, notice the Porsche 356 Coupe (1960) and Ambassador side by side

There are lot of fond memories in that car,

from learning to steer (by sitting beside papa and handling the steering),

from the time when papa drove the car so fast that the "Learners" board (tied to the bonnet) flew away

(never seen mama praying "Swarga Shakthanaya Pitavee" with such zeal)**,

and the car's unbelievable accuracy in breaking down if stopped at Kottayam (I swear whenever the car was stopped at Kottayam, it will not start again........we were convinced that it was beyond coincidence and always drove through Kottayam without stopping - however hungry or however strong the Nature's call was)

Well coming back to the story, it was a Sunday morning and we were going to Church for mass(Yes, hypocrites, I do go to Sunday Mass...). Kurian uncle and Geetha aunty, our neighbours, were with us. Kurian uncle and papa were in the front. Mama predictably, was singing "Anpudayoone Nin vaatil" (Devotional song)... to be read as the mood was very devotional.

Suddenly, While we were near Kaloor bus stand, one drunk dude in a cycle materialized in front of the car (Only in God's own country you will find people enjoying a bottle or two in a Sunday morning). It was papa's good reflex that averted an imminent crash. But no, this is not the reason why I named the blog "Daddy Cool" but what happened later.

Papa got out of the car, and to the amazement of everyone, started verbally thrashing the poor drunk..... in about 5 seconds half a dozen new words were added to my vocabulary. My bro's eyes showed astonishment and we both were grinning ear to ear. Kurian uncle was unembarrassed .... but Mama and Geetha aunty started sitting lower and lower..... To us brothers, papa was dashing than Suresh Gopi (popular movie star)........

In the end, finding it’s of no use, papa started the engine, mama and Geetha aunty got to sit normally, we brothers started discussing the new words (and guessing their meanings). And the poor dude, who felt that his whole morning drinking has been wasted, went back to the shaap (local Bar).

*Means I was 12 years old ;)

**Getting the car was in many ways mama's nightmare, coz to the men from Malakeel house going below 60km/hr is unfathomable.